7-7-22

Browsing through memories, gratitude and regret.

So much was lost to fear and worry.

It’s not that things were not done because of fear-

I have had a full life, we all have.

Things were not enjoyed because of fear.

Fear and worry were constant voices,

robbing the day of its’ joy.

Today I will enjoy the moments,

and not indulge the what if’s.

Today I will know my fear,

So it will not have to always speak to me.

7-5-22

On this very hot and humid day, a breeze moves the leaves,

but the branches are still.

The clouds slowly drift west to east.

Let me stop to appreciate my breath.

In my mind I feel the need to justify myself,

to prove my worth.

We enjoy trees being trees, birds being birds, sky being sky,

But as for me, I must smile more, meditate longer, write better.

Let me accept my reduction.

I am becoming less as all things do.

Again grateful for my breath.

Maybe today I will be a disappointment to some-

maybe even myself.

Expectations dissolving, clouds drifting.

7-24-22

Today, my mind will not be tamed,

I feel stuck, unwilling to give up my negativity.

I will find peace on a rainy day,

I will detach from my judgements,

I will trust that I function better without opinions.

Focused on other individuals,

I will stop and focus on humanity.

I will focus on the big picture,

And the universal struggle that we all have a part in.

We are more than faults and virtues,

We are people still evolving.

The physical embodiment of love and fear.

Finding expression individually,

Creating oneness universally.

7-13-22

Coming to stillness, not by choice, but by direction.

Life is interrupted, coming to a complete stop.

No turning away, nothing else matters.

Feelings of presence.

Stopped, emptied of thoughts.

On the edge of life – the middle of nowhere.

Out of faith, out of doubt.

Just here, an overwhelming reality.

Holding – Abiding

I want to stay, I have felt this way before.

This feeling is not mine, and I don’t get to keep it.

When I move this feeling of oneness will begin to fade.

As I return to personality, let me be a little less knowing.

A little less important.

Let my personality be a witness to the calming presence

That is with us all – everyone.

Love will naturally come, and fill the spaces vacated by our fear.

6-27-22

Lost in my wandering, afraid I’ll be found.

My shame now a companion, a way to stay lost.

A way to keep from becoming one of them.

As I walk away I can feel their vision,

I can hear their question.

Crossing another line, loosing another connection.

Stepping away from the safety of the crowd.

As lost as I am I can think of no-one I would trade places with.

They are very well, and I am very well.

That I may be harmless, that I may be free from harm.

I have no agenda, I love the truth and will not stop.

Looking for and finding my way back to my childhood disease.

Who is this child, who will speak for him. . .

As I wander away, I need their acceptance, but I love their rejection.

6-25-22

A day of hating myself for being such a fraud.

Stopping now, letting the moments pass.

Knowing these thoughts are ever-present.

I choose to touch them, feel their truth, and move on.

There is more living to do.

My thoughts matter less, my acceptance matters more.

I sit looking out my window at the most gorgeous rain.

I love the rain.

Learning to let opinions and judgements come and go.

Learning that this moment of acceptance will pass as well.

Learning to enjoy the adventure of living with uncertainty.

I

4-26-22

Tonight I walk alone, bringing to memory the souls I have known.

How grateful I am, their wisdom revealed, my pain is self-inflicted,

My fate no longer sealed.

There are no secrets to living, but there are things that need to be found.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

But our heart does.

When you find your heart you will know that your life is a shared blessing.

-having no knowledge, wisdom, or training, only personal experience-

The heart places itself in your most secret sadness,

And waits there for your discovery.

It is a spot we all have, but not everyone is willing to look.

You are not expected to go there, you do not need to go there.

But pray that you will want to go there.

6-7-22

Finding my place in the rhythm of life.

Finding there is less for me to resist.

Times of struggle, times of acceptance.

Moments of drift, moments of purpose.

To be ok with what is, ok with what is not.

To stop seeking, to begin allowing.

Putting an end to the days of becoming my father.

When I stop seeking approval, I become grateful for relationships.

To let go of the lessons of our past-

They are not meant to be permanent.

How wonderful to be old, to loose loneliness, to find solitude.

Finding God not in the words of others,

Finding God in our most personal silence.

Quietly embracing the experience of today.

Quietly embracing the moment with you.

Knowing my moment will end, my time will end, my life will end.

Knowing how very important the unimportant things are.

Knowing too late how much I loved you.

3-31-22

As I sit in my warm car, I watch a small bird

perched on a barren tree.

It is 42 degrees and raining.

He sits alone and sings his song to the grey dawn.

He has no idea how necessary he is.

His simplicity places him at the center of the universe.

A simplicity I will never achieve.

As I stay, he flies away.

We take our place, we have our time, and we are gone.

A moment of life becomes a moment of appreciation

and meaning:

The Great Mystery revealing itself.

4-8-22

What a moment, I am so glad I stopped,

I stare at the moon and it stares back.

As the moment passes, traveling clouds arrive-

Diminishing the moonlight.

The moment is not lost, it is a part of me.

I breathe in the moment.

The morning light is slow to come.

We can believe in our journey-

Even when we don’t believe in ourselves.

When I stop choosing joy over sorrow,

I choose acceptance.

Acceptance leads to gratitude,

Gratitude to appreciation, our heart opens,

And our learning begins.