Category: Uncategorized

10-04-26

Early, pre-dawn walk, as I walk in the darkness, my inner darkness emerges.

It is my fear driven anger, a part of me I try to hide, am ashamed of, spontaneous, explosive.

As I get to know it better in my walks alone, it looses some of its’ power,

some of its’ need for expression.

As I accept its’ presence without judgement or shame, it becomes easier to live with.

Just another ingredient, loosing its’ flavor in the blend.

I am grateful for these darkness walks, we see more than darkness, we see stars.

Let me live not from my righteousness, but from my brokenness, with dignity and

respect for myself and all the living.

9-22-26

Perfect sky today, it never disappoints.

Colors blend and change, early morning sunlight is intermittent.

The clouds do not appear to be moving, but their shape slowly changes.

Soon the moment arrives, the sunlight shines brightly, above the land below the clouds.

Colors explode in the golden light.

The duration will only last a short time and I am grateful to be present.

The clouds will soon filter the sun.

It will light the day for all without distinction, unnoticed and taken for granted.

Today let me be a seeker, let me not narrow my search to any specifics or any purpose.

Let my seeking lead to discovery, if not new things, then to see things anew, unnoticed and taken for granted.

9-13-26

How can I be anything but grateful,

Grateful for an unfathomable universe.

Grateful for the desert wilderness my life has become.

For the scientific-mystical perfection of a tree.

For the contradictory thoughts I take direction from.

For my total inability to belong anywhere and my obsession to escape.

For collapsing stars in the still dark night.

For the fear born faith and the hollow words of comfort.

For the manufactured reality that I can observe from a safe distance.

For a death that is patient willing to abide another moment.

For the secrets revealed to my heart and not my mind.

For my desire to keep searching never keeping what I find.

8-29-26

Let me live the life of a common man and die a common death.

Let me remember to say thank you when I take my final breath.

Let me remember it was fear that taught me courage and sorrow taught me joy.

That I can’t be true to myself as a man, without being true to my inner boy.

Let me be choose to treat others with with dignity and respect,

And with myself as well, it is the least I should expect.

And when it is my turn, I do not want to leave this world terrified and crying,

Let me leave quietly, grateful for my life and at peace with my dying.

7-28-26

The passing moon and the rising sun share the morning sky today, clouds in the east moving

slowly north to south soften the light.

I feel adrift, maybe that’s not a problem, I am adrift.

Is this a good place to be, the right place to be, to surrender ambition, is this humility?

People, events and time approach and pass. All things. All things.

Let the mountains rise, let the nightfall. Let the earth move and the sirens call.

What the teachers don’t know, the moon will. Let the heartstrong and the mind still.

Wisdom cannot be taught, wisdom can only be learned. Experience.

Let me live it, let me try.

7-23-26

Captured by the morning, seized by the day,

Called to the silence, without my thoughts in the way.

This is the place that I cannot reach,

This is the thing the wise cannot teach.

This is the moment that comes as a gift,

Let me remember this grace, when my spirit needs a lift.

7-21-26

This morning I am greeted by a glorious sky.

Not blue, not white, not grey or pink, it is not color it is light.

It is the unknown mystery of the natural world that charms me.

Its’ truth will always exceed my grasp.

Let me know less, let me feel more.

Let me loose my need to understand and grow in appreciation.

Let me see, let me listen, as it flows, let me ride.

7-12-26

Coming to a new awareness.

Coming to see how my righteousness which is manifesting itself in politics,

Is creating a greater perception of evil in anyone who thinks differently.

Feeling justified in my rage, enables the same justified rage in them.

In a universe that knows no judgement, or politics I create the imbalance.

It is my this not that, right not wrong opinions and actions, that create opposition.

I must be more centered, I must be quieter, not silent, just less loud.

Not vacant, just a little more “perhaps” and a little less “sure”.

A little more accepting of the process of change.

A little more believing in the big picture.

7-6-26

I remember the night. I was fifteen years old, in my usual lost mental state.

I had just walked out on a Christian Youth Group. They wanted nothing to do with my desire to get

involved with the Civil Rights Movement in Chicago, this was around 1965. As I walked east on

Altgeld Ave., I came to the alley between Ridgeway and Lawndale, I threw my youth group book as far

down the alley as I could. For some reason I looked up, I saw the moving clouds open, a full moon appeared

in the opening. I stayed standing there until the quickly moving clouds covered the moon again. I don’t know

why, but for the first time in my life that moment … I felt I have been given permission to be here.

I have not walked a straight and narrow path, and have been lost more often than not. Never really felt in touch,

in tune, or in balance. I have however, felt moments of one. I am grateful that I have been given permission to be

here. Grateful too, that although not alone, I am able to be alone. I guess I feel like I have always been alone, even

with the love of family and friends. Maybe our love is shared, but our life is our own, and must be so.

6-13-26

Maybe I never got it, because there was nothing to get.

Just finishing up , just walking away,

I stop seeking tomorrow at the cost of today.

I stop sharing my struggles, hoping to build community,

Thinking others want to share as well, if given opportunity.

Relationships have never become what I hoped they would,

But by breaking my heart they have done me the most good.

So I retreat now back to my cave,

The wounded animal, no regrets for what was lost or what I gave.

And when it”s all said and done what I’ve found in the end,

Is I wish I would have learned sooner to be my own best friend.

Feeling humbled, less obsessive, being an observer, it is where I belong.

I watch as a single crow flies by, east to west, chatting as he goes, he is visible for a long time.

A large formation of geese, very high, traversing south to north, soon out of sight.

A rare surprise this morning, two coyotes cross the field in front of me,

Side by side about forty feet apart, they match each others stride, their communication

needs no language.

People too pass by, dog walkers and runners, I avoid eye contact, looking down writing,

but I sense their suspicion, and it is understandable.

I am a troubled soul, not easily hidden.

It’s just that this spot is such a home for me, a rare place in this area because the endless sky

is visible here, a gift unrealized by most, no buildings, lights or wires to interrupt.

The empty sky helps me empty my thoughts, mostly useless clutter, they are me and they are not me.

Being undefined is liberating.

Thank you sky, soon I will be grounded again, being busy, passing for normal.

5-23-26

This morning I arrived at the park as a strong rainstorm was just starting.

Now a short time has passed and I get to compose myself in the peace of the afterstorm.

My inner turmoil will not end, but its’ power is always stalled by the natural world.

People nowhere to be found, birds and small animals very busy.

The trees dance in the breeze, they were strengthened by storms and droughts.

There is a message here:

Believe in simplicity, trust that opportunity will always come.

Waiting for the rain to start or for it to end, it always will.

Every reality becomes a faded memory.

Stepping back and seeing the big picture will keep me in balance.