9-22-22
This morning it was easy to reach stillness.
The darkness lasts longer now.
There were no lights and no people in the park.
The moon was a small crescent, straight overhead.
In the western sky there was only one star, so, so bright!
It held me for a long time –
All the way through the bluing dawn.
Although I said no prayers, it made me prayerful.
9-18-22
Recovering from busyness, so much to do.
I notice even the animals seem more active.
For me, the problem with busyness is, it leads to self-importance.
I end up thinking if I don’t do something –
The earth’s rotation will be interrupted.
Activity matters, but so does stillness.
Stillness is always a reduction of myself,
Busyness, always an exaggeration of myself.
I return to my breath to learn balance.
I will meet the needs of the day as they present themselves.
I will allow for stillness.
I will enjoy the time I have been given.
9-8-2022
Today the first light of morning reveals no color, just a soft even grey.
No wind moves the leaves, no bird has ended the silence.
I will connect to the stillness, I will not start a conversation with myself.
My stillness is interrupted by feelings; anger and obsession.
I will not oppose them.
I will be grateful for recent disappointments and confusion.
I want to embrace and learn from all the elements of living.
This will not be my last disappointment,
This will not be my final confusing relationship.
I will let the nature be my refuge, and be grateful for all experiences.
Now the rain has arrived.
It has brought mixed feelings in me, healing, but uncertainty as well.
The ever-changing colors of emotion.
Earlier as I rode my bike I saw a dead animal on the road.
He is with me still.
His passing has made life more precious to me.
I stopped to spend more time with my sadness.
My anger has passed, my anxiety as well.
I hope my sorrow will stay, it is my best teacher.
Learning from living, grateful for what I feel.
8-28-22
So many places to run to, so many thoughts to follow,
I still create expectation and disappointment, it is hard to stop.
Allowing the birds in their flight to take me skyward,
I discover a silver, blue, and white morning.
Let me not run away from stillness, when it shares its blessing.
The things I am meant to know, I will learn at the proper time.
The things I am meant to do, I will do as the need presents itself.
I will share my gifts and my shortcomings, I never know which is
which anyway.
I will not indulge my preferences, or avoid my concerns.
Coming to believe that life will always find balance, as will I
In the natural order of existence.
8-13-22
This morning as I rode my bike, I passed a bird on the ground. He caught my
eye, I thought it was a young hawk. After I passed, I felt the need to go back.
He was still there, about 20 feet to my left. It wasn’t a hawk, it was a different
large bird, one that I was totally unfamiliar with. After a moment he flew up to
a low branch, and then flew away. It was a moving encounter for me, a discovery.
I will remember his presence, not his species, or his type, or his purpose, only
his presence.
A short time later I was walking, I looked to the western sky. It was bright blue
with many thin white clouds. Slowly scanning the sky, I was able to pick out the
full moon as it was setting. It was the same white as the clouds, it’s perfect shape
the only discernible difference. I was glad I took the time to find it. It soon
escaped behind the clouds again.
These moments are so important to me. It is so important that I stop. It is so
important that I reduce myself. Before these encounters I was confused about
what to do with myself today. Now I know without a doubt. I should put on my
little orange vest, and pick up litter on the side of the road. I don’t understand
anything, isn’t that wonderful?
Now after picking up litter for 2 hours I am wonderfully tired. I feel like I have
just returned from the missions, where I saved a hundred lives and a thousand
souls. To be one with the birds, and the moons, and the litterbugs, to be one
with the dance: the opportunity to live.
7-7-22
Browsing through memories, gratitude and regret.
So much was lost to fear and worry.
It’s not that things were not done because of fear-
I have had a full life, we all have.
Things were not enjoyed because of fear.
Fear and worry were constant voices,
robbing the day of its’ joy.
Today I will enjoy the moments,
and not indulge the what if’s.
Today I will know my fear,
So it will not have to always speak to me.
7-5-22
On this very hot and humid day, a breeze moves the leaves,
but the branches are still.
The clouds slowly drift west to east.
Let me stop to appreciate my breath.
In my mind I feel the need to justify myself,
to prove my worth.
We enjoy trees being trees, birds being birds, sky being sky,
But as for me, I must smile more, meditate longer, write better.
Let me accept my reduction.
I am becoming less as all things do.
Again grateful for my breath.
Maybe today I will be a disappointment to some-
maybe even myself.
Expectations dissolving, clouds drifting.
7-24-22
Today, my mind will not be tamed,
I feel stuck, unwilling to give up my negativity.
I will find peace on a rainy day,
I will detach from my judgements,
I will trust that I function better without opinions.
Focused on other individuals,
I will stop and focus on humanity.
I will focus on the big picture,
And the universal struggle that we all have a part in.
We are more than faults and virtues,
We are people still evolving.
The physical embodiment of love and fear.
Finding expression individually,
Creating oneness universally.
7-13-22
Coming to stillness, not by choice, but by direction.
Life is interrupted, coming to a complete stop.
No turning away, nothing else matters.
Feelings of presence.
Stopped, emptied of thoughts.
On the edge of life – the middle of nowhere.
Out of faith, out of doubt.
Just here, an overwhelming reality.
Holding – Abiding
I want to stay, I have felt this way before.
This feeling is not mine, and I don’t get to keep it.
When I move this feeling of oneness will begin to fade.
As I return to personality, let me be a little less knowing.
A little less important.
Let my personality be a witness to the calming presence
That is with us all – everyone.
Love will naturally come, and fill the spaces vacated by our fear.
6-27-22
Lost in my wandering, afraid I’ll be found.
My shame now a companion, a way to stay lost.
A way to keep from becoming one of them.
As I walk away I can feel their vision,
I can hear their question.
Crossing another line, loosing another connection.
Stepping away from the safety of the crowd.
As lost as I am I can think of no-one I would trade places with.
They are very well, and I am very well.
That I may be harmless, that I may be free from harm.
I have no agenda, I love the truth and will not stop.
Looking for and finding my way back to my childhood disease.
Who is this child, who will speak for him. . .
As I wander away, I need their acceptance, but I love their rejection.
presence 