presence

3-23-22

There is a restlessness in me now

Images of war will not stop.

I want to escape but I stop, I hold to myself.

Maybe I need to be reminded how much cruelty

Fear is capable of.

How destructive the need to control is.

Perhaps I should be haunted by these images.

Maybe I need to see that my desire to control

Is still stronger than my desire to trust.

Maybe I cannot find my way out because

There is no way out.

Maybe this is me.

Maybe peace and conflict is how nature

Achieves balance for mankind.

Maybe like all things peace is impermanent-

In ourselves and in our world.

Maybe I don’t like it –

But I don’t remember being asked.

3-5-22

Sometimes options are gone,

Sometimes I feel like dying,

Sometimes I don’t know what’s next.

Stopping now, allowing silence to displace the mind storm.

The evil in me will not be ignored.

Knowing rage is so close, I must live this day cautiously.

There is only one hatred – self hatred.

Hatred of others does nothing to dispel self hatred, only feeds it.

Likewise self destruction.

I must be able to sit with self hatred.

Silence, no action, no doing.

I must allow it to be felt, I must allow it to be known.

As I sit it sits with me.

It does not want attention.

It does not want expression.

It has only come to teach me acceptance.

.

2-27-22

Thinking of the quote by Susan B. Anthony

“Listen to those who seek the truth-

And avoid those who know it.”

Maybe in silence, maybe simplicity.

Maybe this moment I release what used to be.

Maybe my faith has been keeping me blind.

Maybe the truth is worth searching to find.

Maybe the truth is not meant to be found.

But seeking expels the fear, to which I have been bound.

2-24-22

Another day dawns, I see people doing what people do.

I see the world being what the world is.

As the virus ends, the war begins.

I worry, is the virus really over, what to do about the war.

Let me not inject my opinions and anxieties on what is beyond me,

And everything is beyond me.

Let me not oppose the moment when it arrives-

Let me not hold onto it when it passes.

Let the grey skies of winter calm me.

When I stop talking to myself, my emotions loose their fuel.

When asked to help, I should help.

When not asked, I should tend to my own garden.

2-9-22

Leaving the busyness, and finding the moment,

Breathing

Breathing

Not opposing changes in myself.

Loosing some self-importance.

Loosing my need to fit myself in.

Perceptions changing.

How could I ever get to know myself if I didn’t get lonely.

I think of how much I love the people I am not with.

I think of how much I would feel the need to protect myself if I was.

All I have to do is put the pen down and walk away-

But I believe this is something, I believe this is me.

I believe we rise and fade,

Making way for the light of those who will follow.

Let me not begrudge them their time.

May they be as awed by living as I was.

May they be as lonely as I was.

May they be as empty and full as I was.

I see now that I have loved you,

But I have been unable to make anything better for you.

Like those before you,

You will discover your life in hindsight.

The less harm we have done, the more peaceful we will be.

To make things better may be beyond our power,

But please, let me not make things worse.

12-23-21

To live life to the fullest –

I need the pre-dawn, the darkest time, the stillness.

This is when I find myself.

I find someone who needs other people

I find someone who needs to be alone

I need to be ok with that.

Unsure of ourselves, that is a good place to be-

We are much less harmful there.

Seeking joy in relationships, seeking peace in solitude.

Believing it can be done.

Loving it here, loving the darkness.

It is the small things we do for others that bring the most joy.

It is the acceptance of our shortcomings that bring the most peace.

1-23-22

Passing moments, passing days, passing lives.

I see us everyday as we go on our way,

Seeking food and shelter from the cold,

Making love and gracefully growing old.

Find your heart, connect to it.

Do not avoid silence, Do not avoid sorrow or joy.

Make peace with your heart, and you will live a life of gratitude.

In a moment of stillness, your heart will rise and it will hold you.

Then you will understand.

And although you must allow the moment to pass-

You will understand

1-18-22

Today the dawn brings thoughts of eternity.

The sky – always the sky –

My eyes have no place they would rather be, the sky.

The sky is the body the universe.

The sky is a home for our souls when our bodies have gone to ground.

In the ever-present, ever-changing sky we learn life.

I can feel the secrets entering my body,

They are not thoughts, they can’t be seen or heard.

It is an experience – It is Oneness.

1-2-22

Afraid of the emptiness I have become

Nothing left to offer, nothing left to say.

Life slowly dissolving-

A fallen log on the landscape.

Pick my bones , we all live a life evergiving.

No immortal souls are we-

Just everchanging atoms in eternity.

Love the nowness, love the stillness.

Your art is all you will leave behind-

Never stop creating.

We learn from ourselves all that we come to know.

Before we are found it is time to go.

Our life will be incomplete- the end is near,

OK with that. It was wonderful here.

12-30-21

Sometimes it is the darkness that allows us to see.

In the pre-dawn darkness today I saw two coyotes.

I loved watching them as they made their way across a field.

Unapologetic, confident, their movement quick but not strenuous.

To find and reach ourselves, just to take our place in the Great Mystery.

Nothing more nothing less-to be at peace with ourselves-

To be at peace with our place in life.

I love it here. The slow morning darkness.

The silent morning cold.

The secrets of the day hidden in the dark morning sky.

Two coyotes give up their invisibility to let us know-

Everything is as it is.

We are part of the natural world, subject to natural law.

Like all things in the natural world we create beauty by being.

12-4-21

Maybe a day spent in the shadows

Maybe a day spent smiling instead of speaking

Maybe today I am better off unnoticed

Maybe I don’t reach for the stars today

Maybe a day that I accept my presence is not wanted

Maybe today I learn how to live a more solitary life

Maybe today I slip away from the herd

Maybe today I peel away a little more self hatred

Maybe today I will learn truth from silence

Maybe today I will expect less

Maybe today I won’t hurt anyone

Maybe today I won’t run away from myself so soon

Maybe today I won’t be lying when I say I’m o k