presence

5-23-26

This morning I arrived at the park as a strong rainstorm was just starting.

Now a short time has passed and I get to compose myself in the peace of the afterstorm.

My inner turmoil will not end, but its’ power is always stalled by the natural world.

People nowhere to be found, birds and small animals very busy.

The trees dance in the breeze, they were strengthened by storms and droughts.

There is a message here:

Believe in simplicity, trust that opportunity will always come.

Waiting for the rain to start or for it to end, it always will.

Every reality becomes a faded memory.

Stepping back and seeing the big picture will keep me in balance.

5-17-26

What does it take to be an American?

Now we no longer believe in the dream, we choose to believe in the lie.

It is so much easier this way, our greatness guaranteed, nothing left to achieve.

Nothing is required of me, just smiling complicity.

Never ever look behind the curtain, the great and powerful oz has spoken.

He alone can define truth.

Not just the American savior, the prince of heaven, the keeper of righteousness.

We are the fortunate ones : Let the children be damned.

5-17-26

As some pray to the god of the east, let me pray to the god of the west.

As some seek the road to connection, in solitude let me find my rest.

As some find peace in the comforts of home, let me set out again to wander the woods alone.

As some run endlessly from the darkness of the past,

let me embrace my darkest memories, that the experience may last.

As some believe in logic or churches built on rocks,

let me hold to my breath, and embrace the paradox.

Let my seeking be endless, and not lead to discovery,

Let my heart be my home as I share a wink with the great mystery.

4-30-26

Today I am realizing how much I don’t know, but also “the so important knowing” matters less.

Knowing what I do not know is believing, believing with uncertainty, but believing in what?

What do I believe in? I believe in more, more than this, more than material existence.

I have no need to believe in any specific person place or thing, sacred word or words.

I experience feelings, they teach me, I feel them come and go.

I don’t know if they are good or bad, I do know they leave me less peaceful or more so.

I trust the experience, but with more curiosity, than certainty. I want to experience more.

I believe that peace is our destiny and can only be achieved by equality and justice for all the living.

I am very aware of the capacity for evil, whether from the barren mountain of self-rightousnesss,

Or the dismal swamp of desire. As I know my fear, I must also know my courage.

I will not be subject to the will of others, I will hold to a faith in the destiny that is universal,

And still being discovered. Not a destiny that is claimed as absolute truth by anyone.

I am learning there is much that I don’t know, also much that I don’t believe.

I hope I never stop being amazed by what I don’t know, or discovering what I don’t believe.

God bless the travelers.

4-21-26

Over time it gets easier, life I mean.

Its not that things change – they do and they don’t.

It’s that I’ve changed.

I could not change myself, I had to allow time to do its’ work

I have to show up and I have to pay attention.

Believing that I belong, a part of the Great Mystery.

As I look back, you should do everything: but maybe not for too long.

4-12-26

Although hoping for still waters, my hope will not matter now.

I must accept the reality of storms, as I do still waters.

Another opportunity to learn : I always have a choice.

There is nothing to win, nothing gained or lost.

Only the choice.

Do I choose to live peacefully in a chaotic world,

Or do I turn away from peace to engage the chaos.

There are not always right and wrong answers, only consequences.

Consequences which are usually out of my control.

Choosing peace is not always the right answer, when chaos is unjustly imposed.

And although engaging chaos is often futile, experience has taught me,

To fear, avoid, or deny chaos is shameful to my character.

4-5-26

Thinking about how many times I have been so busy creating busyness, I pass by the gifts of the moment.

While on my early morning walk today, I heard an owl.

Unsure of where the sound was coming from, I scanned the barren trees, but I saw nothing.

As I walked further, I heard him gain, this time easy to see, resting atop a telephone pole.

We observed each other for a minute or so, not wanting to intrude longer, I took my leave

A quiet moment of shared time and space with creation.

I pray that today I will remember, the ordinary is extraordinary,

And the less busyness I create, the more special the moment becomes.

3-29-26

This morning I arrive at the park, and I find my place.

This is not my land, this land belongs to trees, to robins and squirrels, and I get to be here.

How wonderful to breathe ordinary air, in ordinary places.

How fortunate to become a free man, owning nothing, owned by nothing.

The shackles imposed on me by memory and judgement are falling away.

Some placed on me by others, some self-imposed, to realize it does not matter.

To see that my own inner darkness was my greatest teacher, now becoming unnecessary.

To believe that my own inner light is always present and always changing.

Like blue sky and clouds co-existing.

Our light is not lost by changes, co-existing with a changing world.

1970

It comes to me now, deeper memories, hidden from myself.

Bringing truth to my memories.

The charred human skeleton.

He was a human being, now a burned body needing “recovery”‘

Burnt ash disintegrating in my hands.

“How did that make you feel?”

“How did you feel when you tried to pick him up?”

You don’t feel because you don’t know how.

After

After, you hate yourself for being alive.

You will always hate yourself for being alive – you must.

3-12-26

The closer I get to the end, the farther away it appears.

Change comes quickly now.

What used to be gifts I was grateful for, became expectations-

Then disappointments when withdrawn.

I am becoming reduced, loosing things I took for granted.

I see that I am becoming a disappointment to some, that’s ok.

More and more, “to thine own self be true”.

Accepting the reductions, all part of the process of growth.

Knowing who I truly am, it is humbling, it is supposed to be.

3-14-26

To embrace loss, to embrace confusion, to embrace uncertainty.

To be at peace with changing reality.

To not oppose the becoming of the day-

To do my best willingly, to never look away.

To know that I am not here to achieve some end-

I am here to do my part in a dance, a dance I did not intend.

3-3-26

I am the darkest cloud on the brightest day,

I exist as none before, none after.

Let me enjoy the comfort of my own thoughts.

Let me live happily in my own body.

Let me laugh at my own foolishness.

Let me live detached from my own time-

Connected to all time, ever and again