5-6-2023

I’ve lived this life longer than I thought I would.

The solutions that used to work, today don’t do any good.

I think I am better off with being unsure,

Than with forcing yesterday’s solutions to forever endure.

And maybe I will keep believing in myself, and believing in you.

And together find acceptance with all the changes so new.

And when it comes time to part, as all friends do.

I will keep you in my heart, grateful, for when together we grew.

04-23-2023

Another day, and I am faced with emptiness.

Always hoping for inspiration, but now I am coming to see-

My day should begin with emptiness.

The day is new and so am I.

I can see things with a new understanding, and a new appreciation.

Yesterdays rain is todays blessing.

Today when chaos and reaction arrive, let me remember-

The calming presence of the natural world.

Although I will always carry myself and my past,

I can meet this day a little lighter,

A little less encumbered by past struggles.

Having learned less is more, and reduction is progress-

Let me leave behind my need to prove myself, my need to accomplish.

Believing in the next step, being at peace with whatever the moment brings.

4-20-23

The nights’ rain has passed, coming now to the moment.

The silence of the after storm.

The stillness on the surface, the explosion of life and activity beneath.

There is so much I don’t see, so much I don’t know.

Explanations always seem so dull and disappointing.

To stand back and be amazed at how everything works.

Breathing is all that is required of me.

To see that creation is not an event,

Creation is eternally becoming.

With and without eternally becoming.

Grateful for my inability to understand the wisdom of the natural world.

Grateful for my faith in The Great Mystery.

4-16-23

Another day, another chance to glimpse eternity.

Let me set aside the unimportant.

Let me take a moment for learning.

That I may learn how to grow from the trees,

How to move from the clouds,

How to light the dark from stars,

Patience from plants, acceptance from animals,

Wonder from children, courage from the struggling,

Faith from those who smile,

Wisdom from those who smile,

Love from those who smile.

Let my words go unspoken, let me remember to smile.

3-31-23

In my meditation this morning, I saw how it is becoming clearer to me.

My shame and depression are necessary counterweights to my self righteousness.

Pride is still a larger problem that controls me unconsciously, beneath awareness.

As my awareness and honesty grows, pride will loose some of its’ power.

As there is less to be right about, and less to be proud of, there is less to be-

Depressed about and less to be ashamed of.

Just like fear, pride will be a part of my personality.

Like the scared child is a part of me, he does not control me.

Pride has its’ place, but to achieve balance, I must be aware of the source when it speaks.

Learning to live with fear, learning to live with pride, learning to live with myself,

Learning to live with each other.

3-21-23

A moment of inspiration from an unknown source,

A moment of inspiration I did not have to force.

To release my solutions and to accept my part in the Great mystery.

In the last few weeks, everywhere I went,

I have seen many robins.

Today I see only one.

I am so grateful for her presence.

She has grounded me in the moment.

To stop. To be the observer, the wonder of it all.

To stop.

To know a moment of beauty will teach me the beauty of it all.

3-23-23

A strong pull towards self-hatred lately,

I see the past through eyes of regret,

And I sense a hidden contempt for me in relationships.

I feel exposed, a fraud, I want to run away.

Of all the advances and setbacks of life-

Self-hatred has been one of the most consistent.

When I seem to be at a place of balance,

Something is said or done and I become overwhelmed.

During my meditation today, I realized-

It might be a necessary part of my character.

As long as I don’t act on it, it is just a feeling,

Maybe even beneficial,

Maybe my words of gratitude are only words.

The words I use to cover up my pride and self-righteousness.

Maybe self-hatred is a necessary part of my journey-

Until it is not.

2-26-23

I take a slow, deep breath, and my life changes.

Such a strong feeling, to make my heart, bigger, my mind smaller-

Maybe not smaller, maybe less important is a better way to put it.

It is a gift we already have, but we don’t know how it works,

What it means. I only know how to make mistakes.

That is my experience.

I forsake judgement and come to trust experience.

Experience tells me stillness connects me to my heart,

Acceptance dispels my self-importance, patience is the only when.

The noble truth, All desire is suffering.

Pleasure or virtue, righteousness or peace,

These things are not within my power.

If I am given a moment with them, let me be grateful,

But they are not mine to have.

How perfect the endless sky.

2-6-23

Looking to the trees now, and their silent wisdom.

They are limitless in their forgiving.

As I rush searching for ways to justify my rage.

They silently interrupt, teaching –

To smile while I’m dying,

To forgive without trying.