presence

2-25-24

Today, having recovered from a minor illness, I arrive at the park with greater appreciation.

I feel gratitude for my body that struggled through to reach recovery.

And now the moments arrive and I get to observe.

The overnight cold is releasing its’ grip, yielding to the warming sun.

The full moon has lost its’ appearance here, and now shines over a distant land-

I hope the people there love it, as I do.

A blue sky, with occasional shades of white passing.

Leafless trees sway slowly in the breeze.

Occasionally geese pass overhead, in pairs or single fliers.

The ever-present squirrels are unseen, maybe there is a hawk that I am unaware of.

The newness of today is the same newness as yesterday or tomorrow,

I hope that I will always take time to appreciate it.

3-2-24

I seem unable to give up expectation.

This will be the last obstacle, this will be the final struggle.

When we get past this it will be smooth sailing.

Peace is at hand, just one more problem to navigate.

What am I unable to figure out, what am I not getting?

The next moment, the next season, the next year it will be better.

Returning now to the same lesson I’ve learned a hundred times before.

This moment, this season, this year.

This singular instant of grace is fulfillment.

My acceptance of the moment, not the desires of the moment is the only refuge.

Today I am asked to be present, body, mind and soul, when I do that-

I am grateful for this ever-changing life.

2-18-24

Now the circle is slowly closing, my eyes begin to see.

The truth I’ve been opposing, was the sacred side of me.

We arrive with unknown purpose, we arrive without a plan.

We allow someone to tell us what it means to be a man.

Yet following the lesson of others never did fit just right.

We loose ourselves in the confusion, and our life becomes a fight.

Having fought the battle for so many, many years,

I am grateful for the laughter, even more so for the tears.

Now my days they are not over, there is living left to do.

At peace with being more than a crazy mind, there is a sacred side of me too.

2-4-24

Although hard to accept, I have come to believe it’s true’

Our childhood perceptions still drive our life and our choices.

We offer the world our adult personality, but it is our childhood

Trauma and the fears the trauma created that drive us.

We choose fear and safety over new experience.

I definitely know the feeling.

I am a good swimmer as long as the water isn’t over my head.

I play an ok guitar as long as no one is in earshot.

In so many ways I play it safe-

How bravely we dream, how frightened we live.

Let me see my protection for what it is; childishness.

Let me loose my need for approval.

Let me stand in the center of my own circle.

Trusting my experience, but trusting my vision even more.

2-10-24

Walking alone is an excellent way to release our worldly concerns.

Walking is to spirituality what sitting is to thinking.

And if you walk. When you walk. Your own singular vision will form.

It will take root and grow, it will connect you to what is sacred in you.

Your vision will transcend the rights and wrongs, regrets and worries.

Its’ reality will come to mind more often, and bring you peace.

It will sustain you as the world passes by,

And you will know gratitude for your moment of eternity.

1-7-24

On a frozen lake with small patches of open water,

I observe some geese who have found a refuge there.

As they seek companionship, I seek solitude.

While they can learn nothing from me,

There is much I can learn from them.

Learning to be grateful for small patches of open water, open sky.

Learning courage, aware but not fearful of predators.

Learning to ignore my desire to break the ice.

Learning to trust my ability to find open water.

After a short time, and much loud discussion

They are away, held now by the open sky.

I return to my observation of the frozen landscape.

Emptiness keeps repeating.

Learning patience.

1-9-24

When the darkness doesn’t ease,

Learning once again how to be at peace with myself.

Trying to keep my mind from creating the wreckage

of the future.

Staying with the present,

The only refuge I can find is gratitude.

Thank you for all the reality hassles that seem to be piling up.

Thank you for the health issues.

Thank you for the uncertainty.

Thank you for this big overwhelming world.

Thank you for waking me up to how fortunate I am.

12-24-23

Clouds and fog occupy the sky today, it feels very limiting.

I want dreams, I want inspiration, I want life to burn brighter.

And for all my wanting I am granted stillness.

I am a living paradox, a contradiction.

I feel like I should hate myself, be ashamed-

But I don’t and I am not, is this denial or acceptance.

Talking myself into mental illness, and walking back again-

Looking over my shoulder as I go.

I inhale. I exhale, I encounter life, a tree, an animal a person.

My heart rises and I feel connected to the Oneness that is absolute.

One life many lifeforms, one existence many expressions,

One moment eternity.

12-10-23

Today I saw two coyotes at the park.

The first one was larger and walked with a limp.

The second smaller one moved quickly, confidently,

But stayed behind, stopping to investigate more often.

The price of wisdom, the wonder of youth.

Thinking about them now, strong feelings rise up in me.

Their courage, their moment to moment existence is inspirational.

The fact that they are disliked, if not hated by people and animals-

Alike is of absolutely no matter to them. Bravo!

Today they teach me what I want to forget-

Accepting the struggle is how we grow,

“Failure is the secret ingredient in success”.

I have been granted a lifetime, what shall I do with it?

No more time lost to fear, no more waiting for the all clear.

It will never come.

12-4-23

Returning now to my journey,

I return to the lost child in an adult world.

We have all been there, it is where our road was interrupted.

Where we must become an adult, because an adult has become a child.

To pity ourselves is useless.

To return to our journey is extremely important, the sooner the better.

We might spend some time lost, and it is usually late-

but it is never too late.

When we return to our road, we are delighted,

The steps come much easier than we remember.

We find peace, being more at home on the journey.

Believing in our road, and trusting our steps.

We take what comes, and release what goes.

Grateful for learning that our home has always been in our heart,

And it travels so well.

11-30-23

Loosing more and more, loosing parts of myself,

Loosing value, loosing identity, loosing importance, loosing opinions.

Wants and needs, all reducing.

We hold to ourselves, because we are not lost.

We have come to find ourselves in the eternal now.

Learning to be at peace, with or without.

11-26-23

The seasons’ first snow, the silence,

The subtle white and grays,

The park contributes endless shades of brown.

I embrace the simplicity.

Let today be the day I give up my self-righteousness.

Let me surrender my brand of morality and goodness.

Let me find no comfort in judgement.

Let me loose my opinions like a tree looses its’ leaves.

Let me not find refuge in answers,

Let me find refuge in not knowing.

Let my fear, anger and jealousy not find hidden expression,

Let them come and go like snowy days.

Let me not seek protection in righteousness,

Let me find protection in acceptance.

11-23-23

The moments pass. A simple life.

The dawn begins its’ slow approach.

I take my place with an open heart-

Believing my purpose will be revealed.

Until that time, I breathe, I walk,

I understand there is nothing to understand

Grateful for the chance.

11-21-23

Thinking about harmony, discovering how reducing myself-

Creates more balanced and easier relationships.

Learning how my need to dominate and control,

Only creates the same need in others.

Harmony is not achieved by my assertion, but by my reduction.

Balance is not achieved by overcompensation, but by stillness.

One of the main ingredients in every solution I have been granted is,

“This is not about me”.

When I remember that, harmony becomes possible.