Category: Uncategorized

4-12-20

It seems when I am willing to sit down with my pain, my shame,

my soul wakes up and joins me. I wonder if that happens to anyone

else? It is good to be alone and not alone, I hope I will always leave

time for it.

4-14-20

Still internal struggle-

So many people talking about God’s will.

How could anyone ever know God’s will?

How could anyone ever know God?

How silly I sound when I try to force myself to be good-

I will never be good, that’s o k.

I want to be open I want to live my life inside out-

I want to know beauty and peace-

I want to know conflict and suffering.

I want to not know the difference between laughing and crying.

I am told defiance is not a good thing. Really ?

I never know if I am getting it right or getting it wrong.

I only know when I am feeling or I am not feeling-

Nothing worse than not feeling.

Not feeling leaves only confused thinking.

Let me see the world with the eyes of a broken heart,

And not the eyes of a rational mind-The Infinite Burn-

The Great Mystery-The Eternal Moment-And You.

4-9-20

More confusion, strong winds blowing, wandering the streets,

Lost destinations, self-hatred growing, god what a punk I am.

No place to be, no way to be – creativity – who am I kidding?

Mocking laughter instead of acceptance.

What led to this inversion-

This everlasting need to hate myself, ever-present.

Any love seems to dissolve so quickly, to return to the most familiar feeling.

3-1-20

Sometimes I think I need to find my way, or discover my purpose in the Great Mystery,

But that is not true.

I am to be – I am to breathe until I become breathless: just a part of nature.

I see the sleeping trees and the frozen earth, they are not here to inspire me.

They just are.

Sometimes I feel like nature and the earth are so beautiful and perfect,

and I am such a parasite.

I don’t understand the religions that say the earth was created for man.

I am so unworthy of this moment, so grateful to be broken, and to be at peace with

this moment, this place, these people.

3-8-20

It is my surrendering that gives rise to my soul, not my effort.

3-17-20

A moment of peace this morning,

A moment of acceptance and gratitude.

Thank you for the virus, thank you for the fear,

Thanks for the confusion and the darkness always near.

Thank you for this moment when I seem to fall into place-

And the ultimate reality, everything is grace.

10-28-19

Sometimes I feel like I am becoming less of a person and more a part of nature,

I kind of think that is a good thing, there is no judgement in nature, no opinions.

11-3-19

If we can brave the stillness, it will always arrive:

The gratitude that comes just from being alive.

For the moment is sacred as are we:

The stillness envisions what our eyes cannot see.

11-21-19

Making peace with my anger, and peace with my fear,

Getting to know them better, as my time draws near.

What troubles me now is something forgotten,

Still hiding inside because it’s too rotten?

Let me love others more, because that’s how I learn,

If I have become open, and it is time to return.

12-1-19

I pray that I see the world with the eyes of a broken heart,

And not the eyes of a rational mind.

It is not sadness that we seek-

But to see beauty in more than just the beautiful,

To find peace in more than just the peaceful,

And to know the sacred in all things.

8-25-19

Let me see the world with the eyes of a broken heart,

And not the eyes of a rational mind.

Let me gather up the sadness that others leave behind,

Let me embrace all the fear and loneliness I find,

Grateful for this moment, before I return to a happier time.

9-10-19

Let me embrace this life, Let me not avoid any moment of me.

For life is escaping, My turn is almost over.

And I feel my heart open as I get older,

The reward that I get as I see others replace me,

Is the warmth that I feel as I pass into history.

9-12-19

Meditation – The effort. we make and the pleasure it brings,

Gives flight to our life and turns our breath into wings.

!0-22-19

Though it is the sun that makes the sunrise and sunset,

It is the clouds that make the ones we cannot forget.

Advancing clouds in a silver sky,

To be alive today, and not know why.

The peace of the moment brings a tear to my eye,

And the faith to move on and not know why.

8-14-19

I would hate to die, knowing there were things not known, not learned,

not felt or said because of fear or pride. So let me meet every challenge,

whether presented or created by me, not for success or failure, but for

the experience.

8-15-19

I will miss these moments terribly; the times when I remember to stop

and enjoy the trees and the traffic.

8-18-19

Enjoying a passing storm and the refreshment it brings,

The silence that follows, until a bird sings.

This is a moment that will not return,

Let me smile with it softly, see the world slowly turn.

7-21-19

Let us set our feet to wander, to travel off anew.

Let’s close the box inside our mind that stays with tried and true.

To feel the fear inside ourself, the wonder of discovery.

To tremble at. the depths below and at the heights above me.

And passing through the zone of fear, the place where we arrive-

Gratitude for this moment and the chance to be alive.

7-28-19

I am sorry for the dying trees, and for the dirty sky,

I am sorry for all I’ve left undone, the love I’ve let pass by,

Remember death comes to us all, and alone we all must die,

The worst I can do with what’s left is be afraid to try.

6-22-19 FOR JOHN

No pieces left to pick up, it’s all dust to dust,

No words to say , although I think I must.

Silently now you are carried along,

Our earthly home is not where we belong.

We will know you now when we look to the stars above,

And thank you for trying , you were easy to love.

6-25-19

People today don’t want to cry, they don’t want to grieve,

They don’t want to feel pain.

It’s a shame really, we miss so much.

6-30-19

To seek the unknowable, to not understand

To be ever-present to the moment at hand.

To be at peace with everyone I see,

And to take my place in the great mystery.

7-11-19

We bow our heads to the sacred breath that has become our life.

The moment is eternal and so are we, but not so our breath; treat it preciously.

7-11-19

Let me see the world not with the eyes of a rational mind;

But with the eyes of a broken heart. Amen.

7-19-19

I think nothing is prayed for, more and against, than rain.

Rain gets even atheists to pray.

It’s kind of nice really, things we have no control over turn us to prayer. Pray always.

3-14-19

Let me see the world with the eyes of a broken heart,

Not the eyes of a rational mind.

3-10-19

Some days I wake up and all I can think about are people I don’t like:

And some days I wake up and think about the beautiful souls that we all are.

4-21-19

Outward attempts at humility come off as artificial,

humility is an inside attitude of non-judgement.

4-25-19

Time is not linear, all time is ever-present.

6-21-19

We cry out to a God who listens but does not speak.

It is a love I feel, but cannot hear or see.

A heart so broken so alive.

The great mystery, the paradox, the eternity of this moment.

Alive again – smiling.

Feeling connected to a God Unknown.

I want to destroy any box that people try to put God in.

1-19-19

Gave up on going to the usual group today. Instead I decided to walk to the grocery store, have a cup

of coffee, read my book and pick up a few things. I felt good about choosing to be alone instead of

trying to fit in again. It was snowing hard, and I thought why leave home at all? Of course we must

leave home, in our life and in our day otherwise we would never know the joy of going home. While

reading my book, Winter Count by Barry Lopez, I came across the line, “He spoke in a genial way, as

though misgivings were a part of everything”. Wonderful! It was like finding a trail marker when

you think you are lost on your hike.

1-31-19

I realize that my life is not the result of what happened to me, but the result of the choices I made

when something happened. There are no right and wrong decisions, there are only consequences

to decisions.