5-11-25
Maybe, just maybe, I could learn to trust patience, as much as I trust impulse.
Acting impulsively, pleasure seeking, habit, the inevitable, “oh well”,remorse,
self-exoneration, lingering guilt.
Patience, the undeveloped muscle in everyone, refraining from impulse.
To take a breath, to become aware, to notice how impulse dissolves when unfulfilled.
Patience takes root, develops with each use, the hidden power in everyone.
Patience with myself, with others, with this turning world.
5-4-25
Today I must recognize this feeling that has been rising up in me.
It is not something new, it has come before.
It is the darkness that is as real a part of me as any other feeling.
It does not need expression, and denial will only empower it.
Let me accept its’ presence and not indulge its’ attractions.
Let my thoughts and actions not find motivation here.
Let me hold to a deeper reality that is always present.
The inner peace that holds as emotions and events come and go.
The great reality, the great mystery, the unknowable truth-
But if we are willing life will teach us what it is not.
4-15-25
Yesterday, while looking out my window at the bare branches of a dormant
Honey-Locust Tree-
I saw the rainbow expanse of humanity, all alike, no two the same.
Sometimes you are grateful and sometimes you are overwhelmed.
Today, as I sit in the park, it is forty two degrees and raining,
A single robin sings his song, creating the moment, believing in the next.
Who am I to question?
4-10-25
If only for a day, or for all time, today I step away from the certainty of religion.
I step away from being told everything will be o k.
I step away from “Everything is part of the plan” from safety, comfort, self-righteousness.
I choose life, sadness, and confusion.
I choose the path that has not been walked before, because it is the path that presents itself.
I give up judgement of right and wrong and choose acceptance.
I give up the pursuit of knowledge for the patience of understanding.
Although I am always in a state of fear, I will remember to at least speak gratitude,
And believe my heart will overtake my mind, and fear will transform into peace. Only this.
3-30-25
As I write, a sudden brightness catches my eye, when I look up
I see for a short time the sun is visible above the horizon and below the clouds.
Today the sunshine will be brief, but the sunlight will endure.
As time marches on, we travel along too.
It seems the lessons of history have been forgotten or ignored.
The idea that might makes right has always led to corruption, moral decay, and
the demise of the mighty.
Creating enemies has never led to any profit or type of enrichment.
Greed has never been and never will be a virtue.
Calling it capitalism and patriotic does not change it, greed creates suffering,
and despair for the have nots, and fear of loss for the haves.
Security is always an impossible promise, and has never ever ever been granted
to any living thing.
The concept of winning is unnatural and exists only in games, and the minds of
the childish.
As individuals or collectively we can only advance in co-operation with others, not
conflict or competition.
As I learn from the past, let me stay present to this moment, and hold to my values
that we can create a future of co-operation.
3-3-25
This morning while riding my bike, I heard the call of crows in the distance.
They were soon over me, I have never seen so many together.
They wandered the sky for a minute or so, just riding the updrafts.
They were separate enough for me to count, 16 crows heralding the day.
They were soon away, flying southbound, such good friends.
2-23-25
How fortunate, I arrive at the park to see the lavender shades of dawn.
The silence is broken by the song of a bird, it sounds like a robin, but they are unseen.
Their song goes unanswered.
My thoughts go to my family, I picture their faces, my heart rises and silences my thoughts.
I sit with the feeling as it grows and fades.
I think about the lavender shades of love:
A long time ago, I wrote a line for my wife; I don’t know why you are sad but I can feel it,
I wish I could grasp your sorrow so I could steal it.
Today I love them so much I would never steal their sorrow –
Only that they make peace with it and appreciate its’ counsel.
2-13-25
Meditation leads to revelation.
This morning I arrive at the park to an empty field covered in snow.
A full moon hides and reappears behind slowly moving clouds.
Recent awarenesses have revealed foundational truths and
foundational lies that have unconsciously guided my life.
The disappearing and reappearing moonlight is my guidepost,
a reminder of impermanence.
I have never felt more alone, never more disarmed, never stronger.
I have never known myself before, never able to bear the unraveling.
Another step closer to center circle.
The clouds have moved on, the moonlight fixed and fading, yielding to the dawn.
Tears of gratitude well up inside of me.
I am so grateful for companions.
2-3-25
Left alone to wander through this moment of life.
As I proceed, loosing beliefs as I go, I find myself feeling more present.
I seem to have fewer questions, less need for answers.
This week I have seen an owl and a coyote.
Two creatures of the night, showing up in the middle of the day.
Two gifts that will be remembered, long after wrapped gifts are forgotten.
And now what’s next?
Perhaps a dream tonight, an improbable irrational event that mocks my grip on reality.
I pray that surprise, confusion and uncertainty be mainstays in my day and in my life.
That my life never fit into the same box that it fit yesterday.
1-18-25
Another day spent, another moment lost,
Another memory forgotten, time will take it’s cost.
And just when you thought you were no longer lost,
A new frontier is discovered, and it has to be crossed.
For our soul never rests, never stops yearning.
And the life we are granted is intended for learning.
So feel everything, be you, no need to hide or protect.
The frontier you discover is the love you are meant to reflect.
And when your time is over and you escape body and mind.
Your life will be at peace and you can leave it behind.
presence 