3-23-23

A strong pull towards self-hatred lately,

I see the past through eyes of regret,

And I sense a hidden contempt for me in relationships.

I feel exposed, a fraud, I want to run away.

Of all the advances and setbacks of life-

Self-hatred has been one of the most consistent.

When I seem to be at a place of balance,

Something is said or done and I become overwhelmed.

During my meditation today, I realized-

It might be a necessary part of my character.

As long as I don’t act on it, it is just a feeling,

Maybe even beneficial,

Maybe my words of gratitude are only words.

The words I use to cover up my pride and self-righteousness.

Maybe self-hatred is a necessary part of my journey-

Until it is not.