4-12-20

It seems when I am willing to sit down with my pain, my shame,

my soul wakes up and joins me. I wonder if that happens to anyone

else? It is good to be alone and not alone, I hope I will always leave

time for it.

4-14-20

Still internal struggle-

So many people talking about God’s will.

How could anyone ever know God’s will?

How could anyone ever know God?

How silly I sound when I try to force myself to be good-

I will never be good, that’s o k.

I want to be open I want to live my life inside out-

I want to know beauty and peace-

I want to know conflict and suffering.

I want to not know the difference between laughing and crying.

I am told defiance is not a good thing. Really ?

I never know if I am getting it right or getting it wrong.

I only know when I am feeling or I am not feeling-

Nothing worse than not feeling.

Not feeling leaves only confused thinking.

Let me see the world with the eyes of a broken heart,

And not the eyes of a rational mind-The Infinite Burn-

The Great Mystery-The Eternal Moment-And You.